Birthdays Come But Once A Year, So Forgive This Belated Birthday Fic
by Niente de Nada
Summary: Most of his subordinates think he hates birthdays because he's old-fashioned and believes birthday celebrations are a corrupt Amanto invention. The truth is a great deal more complex and painful.


**Birthdays Come But Once A Year, So Forgive This Belated Birthday Fic**

Most of his subordinates think he hates birthdays because he's old-fashioned and believes birthday celebrations are a corrupt Amanto invention. Before the Amanto invasion, people reckoned their age from the New Year, not the date they were actually born. And the Kiheitai does have a New Year's party, in the best Japanese tradition, with all the food and sake and Yakult his men could want. So why celebrate birthdays?

This is what he told Matako the first time she tried to celebrate his birthday. (He still has no idea how she found out the date.)

But the truth is a great deal more complex and painful.

It's true that he'd never even heard of birthday parties before Gintoki announced he was having one and "You're not invited." Although of course he was. Sensei must have told Gintoki to invite him.

After that strange and rather exciting experience - a cake with candles! whoever could have imagined such a thing? - every child in the area wanted a birthday party. And sooner or later, their parents cottoned on to the concept and the birthday party became an ordinary part of life: something you looked forward to all year around.

But his first birthday after Gintoki's party wasn't going to be marked at all. Takasugi hadn't even considered asking his father if he could have a birthday party. It'd be pathetic to beg for something so silly.

Zura, of course, had kept pestering him about the subject. _What are you going to do for your birthday? Are you going to have a cake? What about balloons? What do you mean you aren't going to have a party? Everyone should have a birthday party!_

Zura's own birthday party in June had been a big success. After eating the cake, there'd been some party games, all of them fairly boring till Gintoki had the idea of tying Zura's hair to the branch of a cherry tree, and giving him a sharp stick with which to defend the tree. Then everyone got a turn trying to steal cherries without being impaled on the stick.

But no such fun was scheduled for August 10th. There was nothing special about the day that marked seven years since Takasugi Shinsuke had come into the world.

* * *

He left his house early that morning, as he often did, leaving time to play with the other boys before lessons started. Sensei frowned on them actually fighting in the schoolyard, so they channeled their rivalries into intense games like Kick the Can. This morning, however, when he approached the school, Zura was standing on the path in front of him, waiting for him to come up to him.

"Oy, are you pretending you're a statue ?" Takasugi greeted him. Zura said nothing but he pushed something into Takasugi's hand then stood there looking at him expectantly.

"What is this?" Takasugi asked, inspecting the folded piece of paper Zura had given him. There was writing on the outside of it but these weren't Kanji or Katakana, but big chunky ugly foreign letters. **HAPPY BIRTHDAY**. He couldn't make head or tail of them.

"It says 'Happy Birthday!'" explained Zura.

"But why did you write it in foreign letters?" Takasugi demanded, becoming more agitated. "Why?"

Zura backed up a step from him. "I - Gintoki showed me how."

"This is the stupidest thing I've ever seen," he stormed at Zura. "You and Gintoki just love the Amanto, don't you? They have all sorts of stupid things like ice-cream and video games and _birthday parties_!" White-hot rage washed over him. "This is what I think of your card!" He ripped the piece of paper in two and threw it on the ground. Then he turned on his heel and ran towards the school, his heart beating painfully fast and an aching feeling building in his throat.

He only stopped at the porch of the school to take his sandals off. He didn't dare look back to see where Zura was. He needed to get inside the school room and bury his head in a book before Shouyou-sensei arrived. He wasn't going to cry. There wasn't any _reason_ why he should be blinking back tears. He was just angry at Zura and Gintoki for the way they always copied those barbarous Amanto. He didn't _want_ a birthday party. He wouldn't even go to their next birthday parties.

He walked into the classroom and stopped short. There on the blackboard, written in a familiar beautiful script_, "Today is a special day. We are celebrating the birthday of our friend, Takasugi Shinsuke."_

So, in the end there was a cake after all. It was covered in strawberries and while Gintoki later denied having anything to do with it, no one believed him. It was a well known fact among the other students that Gintoki dropped any pretense of laziness whenever he had a chance to make a cake.

After they finished their lessons, they all sat down with Shouyou-sensei to eat the cake, and everyone wished Takasugi a very happy birthday, even though he could have sworn most of his classmates disliked him.

He lingered a long time by Sensei's side, waiting for the rest of the children to leave. And slowly they drifted away to go play outside. But the annoying duo, Zura and Gintoki, stayed put, chattering away idiotically about a video game one of their friends had let them play the other day. As if Sensei wanted to hear all this rubbish about fighting mushrooms and princesses, or whatever it was.

"Aren't you going to come outside, Shinsuke?" Zura suddenly asked. "We'll let you choose the game."

"Why don't you play hide-and-seek?" suggested Shouyou-sensei. "Shinsuke-kun will be It, and you have four minutes to hide yourselves before he comes out to find you."

Gintoki and Zura jumped up at the suggestion. "You'll never find us!" Zura shouted back as he ran onto the porch. "We can camouflage ourselves in any -"

"Stop following me, Zura!" yelled Gintoki.

"It's not Zura, it's Katsura!"

Shouyou-sensei was laughing softly, and Takasugi looked up to him trying to find the words to express what he was feeling. How _contented_ he was just to be here today. How much he appreciated the clever way in which Sensei had sent away Gintoki and Zura just so they could talk together. But as he looked up, Sensei was pulling out two grubby scraps of paper from the sleeve of his kimono.

Takasugi froze. Zura's birthday card. Sensei _knew_ about the incident this morning. And he'd been hurt to see the torn card, Takasugi realized that. Gintoki and Zura were Sensei's favourites. Everyone knew that. He'd basically adopted Gintoki after all. And Zura was the model student, always diligent, so respectful towards his elders.

"Kotarou-kun entrusted this to me," said Sensei seriously. He held it out towards Shinsuke. "Gifts are a very serious matter, Shinsuke. If you're going to destroy this card, remember to hide the pieces this time."

"I didn't rip it up because I hated him!" he blurted out. He couldn't bear Sensei thinking he was an ungrateful brat. "But I don't want to be just like the Amanto! I just hate it. I hate them all!" But he wasn't really certain whom he meant anymore. Zura, Gintoki, or the Amanto.

"You didn't hate our party today," Sensei replied.

"No, of course I didn't! I just don't - I don't understand why everything - why I -" He cut himself off, lost without any words to express what he wanted to tell Sensei.

"Why you feel everything so deeply?" asked Sensei.

Takasugi stared at Sensei, and nodded dumbly.

"Because you're growing into a man who will let his heart be hurt rather than hiding it away," said Sensei.

* * *

He didn't cry. Not then, not in front of Sensei.

And the next year, he had a birthday party at his home, just like the ones his classmates had. But that first birthday party, the one that Sensei had made happen, was the one he imagined he'd remember fondly in vivid detail for the rest of his life.

Matako didn't take his lecture against birthdays seriously. She couldn't force him to celebrate in grand style, but she always brought him cake, which she'd leave with a knowing smile, as if she couldn't possibly believe he actually didn't want his birthday to be celebrated. This year it was a red velvet cupcake with butter cream frosting and a cherry on top.

And really, she was right. He did want his birthday to be celebrated. He'd wanted it when he was a child, even while denying it to himself. And he wanted it now.

But not by a bunch of underlings with good intentions but no link to his past.

Slowly, he removed the cupcake from its paper and closed his eyes as he bit into the cake. Birthdays, he still spent with Sensei.

**Author's Notes: **I had no intention of writing Takasugi a birthday fic until this evening when I suddenly started writing it. So it's a day late. I hope it isn't too sappy.


End file.
